[VIDEO] How to STAY jobless: Hannah, Girls

Build a rapport with the interviewer. Make funny jokes about bars you’ve been to, the pretentious terms bandied about in this silly old age…

It’s all building to that all-important moment: make a date rape joke.

ALWAYS make a date rape joke.

[VIDEO] How to STAY jobless: Rachel, Friends

a) Kiss the interviewer when he totally, totally was’t about to kiss you. At ALL.

b) Scream at him for demanding sex from you, when he totally, totally wasn’t. At ALL.

c) Sort out the misunderstanding and try to hug him.

[VIDEO] How to STAY jobless: Chandler, Friends

Chandler is particularly skilled at staying jobless. Observe the mastery:

a) Remember, when the interview is over, you can say whatever you want, even if the interviewer is still RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU and your comment reveals you to be something of a juvenile knucklehead.

b) Definitely say “doodies”. Multiple times.

c) For goodness, sake, say “poo” as well. Don’t just leave it at “doodies”, what are you, an amateur? You don’t want to land the job now, do you?

[VIDEO] How to STAY jobless: Spud, Trainspotting

a) Turn up on speed.

b) Say your weakness is you’re “a perfectionist”. That basically means you don’t finish anything. Definitely  say “when things get dodgy I cannot be bothered.”

c) Announce the interview is going well and kiss the interviewer.

[VIDEO] How to STAY jobless: Jez, Peep Show

a) Turn up hungover and looking somewhere between homeless and have-a-home-but-slept-in-the-wrong-bit-of-it.

b) Substitute one bollocks word, like ‘zone’, for another, like ‘sphere’.

c) Pull a terrifying face

d) Try to sell something to the interviewer then start shouting