Even celebrating a job offer should be off the table for jobseekers: it can always be taken away. Kirsty Liddle shares her experience and warns jobseekers to be wary of verbal job offers… Anyone looking for a job knows it’s … Continue reading
Welcome to How to Be Jobless. Sorry about the mess. If you’ve never been here before, take a look at the About page, or watch the video for a general idea of what you’ve wandered into: This video started as … Continue reading
We all know it’s hard to get on the career ladder, but surely it’s easier to get back on? Erin Cardiff explains the tribulations of getting back into journalism after voluntary redundancy and a career break. I’m going to come right … Continue reading
Last week I asked you to send me your pitches for How to Be Jobless, and the response so far has been brilliant. First up commenting from the Pyjarmy barracks is Sean Cleaver, who thinks young people are getting entirely … Continue reading
It’s not nice to mock fellow jobseekers.
But some of them do make it difficult not to.
This chap admits he is “not a good English user” – but he’s trying, dammit. However, the claims that he can fight and lift a wild bear AND run faster than a train are not only obvious lies, but have no place on an application for a job in a shop.
I hope he got the job…
A great way to stay jobless is to damn yourself with faint praise.
DO NOT keep up to date with the latest technological innovations
Boast about the ones you do know about though, and if you can work in your love of movies and converting oxygen into carbon dioxide, you’re onto a winner. Joblessness will be yours to keep. FOREVER.
A Skype interview in my pyjamas with American writer Jack Kelly led to this article on the ever-entertaining site, PlanetIvy.com… We spoke to the author of the How To Be Jobless blog, in hopes of becoming more enlightened about unemployment. … Continue reading
No. of jobs applied for since start of 1-year challenge: 1
No. of responses: 0
No. of jobs applied for since start of 2013: 9
No. of responses: 2 (both automated, nothing subsequently)
Celebration! I received a rejection! A response! An acknowledgment of my existence! My slightly slutty name has not, it seems, caused all my applications to go straight into everyone’s junk mail. It was a concern. Thank goodness I’m being ignored on merit.
But now, behold, proof and acknowledgment of my existence in the harsh, jobless universe:
Thank you for your application. We regret to inform you that we will not be taking your application any further. We had a huge volume of applications and we only have two eyes each. As a result, your application was not ‘read’, in the traditional sense of the word. We are sure it could have been amazing. However, our research department has pulled together some statistics to suggest it probably wasn’t.
We are sorry to discontinue your application without an interview, or reading it. We are sure you are one of many worthy candidates who have, unfortunately, had to be eliminated from the recruitment process. But we’ll get over it. Particularly as someone has brought a box of Krispy Kremes in this afternoon. In fact we’ve forgotten about you already if we’re honest. You are, in fact, imagining this response. This is actually a junk email, bafflingly titled “Oprah Winfrey weight loss” and you’ve caused no end of spam just by opening it.
Thank you for your interest.
Every Job You’ve Applied For This Year”
[NB Mild hallucination brought on by stress of unemployment, lack of sleep and the imagination of a bored 7-year-old in the 1890s can have positive effects. Why not have your own hallucination?]