I have decided to try my hand at translation. The two languages are, grammatically, almost identical. I shall translate from Labour leader Ed Miliband’s English to my native tongue, plain English. I’m not qualified so there may be some debate … Continue reading
It’s so annoying when a savage animal gets into your flat, especially when it’s hell-bent on chewing at you until you’re nothing but a pile of bones. I’d say it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Luckily, late last year … Continue reading
We lost a wonderful lady yesterday. As I read through some of her wise, witty and wonderful words, I realised I really could have used her during my jobhunt. So here are a few quotes to get you through… When sadness … Continue reading
When you’re unemployed, the world doesn’t look the same as it does for everybody else. Ads are taunting you, price tags are mocking you. If you have ever wondered why a jobless young person opens a seemingly harmless website and sighs, sobs or swears, read on – here’s what they’re seeing.
Words by Erica Buist. Produced by Harry Slater
If there’s one thing you learn writing for the Guardian, it’s what people think. Oh, people just LOVE to tell you what they think. When you write an article for the Guardian website, part of the job is to pull on your hazmat … Continue reading
#Pyjarmy soldier Emily Howard has a few words of encouragement for those of you feeling the sting of joblessness in the still-fresh, new year. It’s not all bad, she promises… So, the New Year may not quite have started as you … Continue reading
Last week I asked you to send me your pitches for How to Be Jobless, and the response so far has been brilliant. First up commenting from the Pyjarmy barracks is Sean Cleaver, who thinks young people are getting entirely … Continue reading
On Thursday 2nd January 2014, the BBC World Service show “World Have Your Say” decided to give a platform to several unemployed young people around the world, and me. A study for the Princes Trust found many young people feel … Continue reading
When you need a job, you’ll consider almost anything. Insultingly-paid internships, flyering, looking for dropped tenners on the street – it can even be tempting to say yes to decidedly dodgy-sounding work.
In fact, in the hope that we’d get a job one day, many of us went to university. We went to the lectures, pulled the all-nighters, handed in scrawled essays on a Pro-Plus comedown. Sod that, thought the author of the ad below. I’ll just pay some bugger to do that for me, and reap the rewards. Fraud. What could possibly go wrong?
Posting this ad suggests not only a rather loose set of morals, but a massive lack of faith in the university system. He clearly thinks he needs a degree, yet also seems confident he can function perfectly well without whatever knowledge it imparts.
I have to say, this position is underpaid. This isn’t $40 a year to do a degree, it’s also to:
– never meet anyone you intend to stay with, as you’ll either have to lie to them about who you are forever (impractical, as the advertiser will presumably re-assume his identity after you graduate), or tell them what you’re up to (inadvisable: it’s pretty naughty and they might tell, especially if you ever break up with them or like another girl’s Facebook statuses too often)
– never let anyone take a photo of you, lest it end up on the fabled Facebook, thereby providing the world with startlingly clear evidence that you had an entirely different face and body to the one you had post-graduation.
– in fact, you should probably never make any friends, or speak to anyone, or tell anyone except the examiners your name. Should be a fun few years, Dracula.
– be a criminal. A potentially incarcerated criminal, surely? But don’t worry, I’m sure the statute of limitations on defrauding a rich, powerful and incredibly proud institution like Harvard University is, like, 11 seconds. You’ll be fine.
A great way to stay jobless is to damn yourself with faint praise.
DO NOT keep up to date with the latest technological innovations
Boast about the ones you do know about though, and if you can work in your love of movies and converting oxygen into carbon dioxide, you’re onto a winner. Joblessness will be yours to keep. FOREVER.