How to STAY jobless – That Mitchell and Webb Look

On your jobhunt, you are likely to meet the odd negative nelly. The occasional tool. And a few utter bastards.

If you want to STAY jobless, invite them into your brain. Let them set up camp and do a shit in your self-esteem pool, until you’re so paralysed with self-doubt you don’t trawl through job sites, so much as scream at them to stop mocking you.


The most hilarious cover letter of 2013

It’s not nice to mock fellow jobseekers.

But some of them do make it difficult not to.

This chap admits he is “not a good English user” – but he’s trying, dammit. However, the claims that he can fight and lift a wild bear AND run faster than a train are not only obvious lies, but have no place on an application for a job in a shop.

I hope he got the job…

Application letter

How to STAY jobless – Winston, New Girl

A great way to stay jobless is to damn yourself with faint praise.

DO NOT keep up to date with the latest technological innovations

Boast about the ones you do know about though, and if you can work in your love of movies and converting oxygen into carbon dioxide, you’re onto a winner. Joblessness will be yours to keep. FOREVER.


[VIDEO] How to STAY jobless: advice from Super Hans (Peep Show)

1) Believing your interviewer is “the kind of guy who’ll respect you more if you stand up to him” is a sure way to stay jobless.

For example, announcing, “No mate, let me stop you there, this interview’s gone on long enough, I need a shit and a glass of water” is almost definitely not going to lead to a second interview.

Neither is “I’ve got a headache, need a baguette”. I hope you’re writing this down.

2) Taking advice from “the disordered mind of the crackhead” is probably inadvisable. Crackheads, please feel free to comment below with your objections if you feel this is an unfair generalisation.

3) Get your name wrong. That’s always a winner.